By Tarang V Bhargava
You children should be able to go to camp, spend time with their friends, and just have a glorious summer, but for some it can be difficult for a mother to allow a child to go off and have fun. For children with food allergies, especially multiple food allergies it can be extremely difficult for parents to feel comfortable sending their child away for a couple of days. When you are talking about camp for kids with food allergies it is important to understand some of the things a parent must think about, especially if your child is new to the food allergies he or she has.
First it is very important to explain to your child the ramifications of them eating any food they have not asked about. In other words they are going to need to ask how the food was prepared, with what the food was prepared, and even ask to check some of the ingredients of the food. Camps tend to be very regimented in the foods supplied. This means that it can be difficult to find camp for kids with food allergies that will caterer to them appropriately. In fact there may only be a few foods the child will be able to eat will at camp.
As a parent you need to alert the camp that your child has a food allergy or allergies. When you alert them of the allergies your child has they can then make adjustments for certain meals, like supplying something else for a night. You can also supply your child with appropriate foods and snacks to take with them to camp. Many of the camp for kids with food allergies will keep the food in the kitchen and allow the child to get something from those stores, like a snack during the day, when the other children are having their snack. This is a sure way to ensure that your child is safe.
You may also want to have your child carry an Epi- Pen or some form of epinephrine just in case. While the camps will have a doctor on hand or at least nearby it is important to make sure they will be safe if a reaction begins to occur. This will of course depend on the severity of the child's food allergies. Some children simply break out in hives and a couple of days later they are better, where as others can go into anaphylactic shock.
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Saturday, February 23, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Sometimes "Helping" Doesn't Help at All
By Susanne Gaddis
Many times when family and friends try to "help" children (ages 13 and up) they are actually making it easier for them never to learn how to help themselves.
This baffling phenomenon is called "enabling," which takes many forms, all of which have the same effect -- allowing a person to avoid the consequences of his or her actions. This in turn allows children to continue merrily along their way, secure in the knowledge that no matter how much they mess up, somebody will always be there to rescue them from their mistakes.
What is the difference between helping and enabling?
Helping is doing something for someone that they are not capable of doing themselves.
Enabling is doing something for someone that they could, and should be doing themselves.
Simply: enabling creates an atmosphere in which the child can comfortably continue his/her unacceptable behavior or irresponsibility.
Are you being enabled?
Here are a few questions that might help determine whether or not someone in your life has enabled you:
1. Has a parent/guardian ever "called in sick" for you, lying about your symptoms?
2. Has someone ever accepted part of the blame for your actions or behavior?
3. Has an adult gotten you out of trouble even though they knew that you were to blame? Or are they always making excuses for your failings?
4. Has an adult in your life (parent, teacher, school administrator, guardian) allowed you to break rules because it was easier for them to let you do it than it was for them to make you do the right thing?
5. Has a girlfriend or boyfriend done your homework for you because they "love" you (is that person taking the tests for you too)?
6. Has a friend tried to match your bad behavior (like not doing homework or failing a test with you, or skipping school with you) in hopes of "strengthening" their relationship with you?
7. Has anyone in your life given you "one more chance" and then another, and another, until you realize that their chances are endless, and that you really do not have to respect their wishes or needs?
8. Has someone ever threatened to make you "do the right thing" but when you didn't, they never followed through and there were no consequences for your actions?
9. Is there someone in your life who you know you can manipulate to the point where they will let you get away with anything? (That person is the worst kind of enabler, because they are really just thinking only of themselves, and not about you.)
Of course, if you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you, at some point in time, have been enabled so that you could avoid your own responsibilities. Rather than "help" you, enablers have actually made it easier for you to become less responsible.
If you answered "yes" to most or all of these questions, you have not only been enabled, but your enablers have probably become major contributors to the growing and continuing problem of your lack of responsibility.
As long as you have your "enabling devices" in place, it is easy for you to continue to deny you have a problem -- since most of your problems are being "solved" by those around you. Only when you are forced to face the consequences of your own actions, will it finally begin to sink in how deep your problem of irresponsibility has become.
NOT enabling you is not an easy choice for your friends, family, or teachers. For example, if you don't bring a pencil to take a test that you knew about for a week or more, it's easier for a teacher to just give you a pencil than it is to watch you sit and not take a test. If the teacher does not give you a pencil, that teacher is making more work for themselves. He or she would have to document (make notes) about the event, maybe call home or schedule a parent conference about your irresponsibility, etc.-it's more work.
The people in your life who are willing to take the extra time for you, who are willing to lose your friendship to tell you the truth-these are the people that are looking out for you not for themselves.
Those kinds of choices are difficult. They require "detachment with love." But it is love. Unless you are allowed to face the consequences of your own actions, you will never realize just how much your irresponsibility has become a problem--to yourself and to those around you.
The person who is requiring you, or asking you, to read this article is not an enabler. This person is an example of someone who believes that, no matter how hard it is for them, they are helping you to learn about your problems by experiencing the consequences and by helping you learn how to make better choices for your own good.
Respect and Self-Respect come from helping those who help themselves.
"Do not enable my people. Rather, teach them how to do for themselves so that when you leave you will not have created an unhealthy dependence, even though well intentioned. This is of no help to us. In fact, the second state could become worse than the first." - Cardinal Napier, Archbishop of Durban, South Africa (2006).
Susanne Gaddis, PhD, known as the Communications Doctor, is an acknowledged communications expert who has been speaking and teaching the art of effective and positive communication through workshops, seminars, and keynote presentations across the United States since 1989. Past clients include: NASA, Oracle, Schlumberger, and the American Nurses Association. For free articles written by Dr. Gaddis, or to purchase her book Communication Booster Shots: Prescriptions for Effective Communication visit http://www.CommunicationDoctor.com or call 919-933-3237.
Many times when family and friends try to "help" children (ages 13 and up) they are actually making it easier for them never to learn how to help themselves.
This baffling phenomenon is called "enabling," which takes many forms, all of which have the same effect -- allowing a person to avoid the consequences of his or her actions. This in turn allows children to continue merrily along their way, secure in the knowledge that no matter how much they mess up, somebody will always be there to rescue them from their mistakes.
What is the difference between helping and enabling?
Helping is doing something for someone that they are not capable of doing themselves.
Enabling is doing something for someone that they could, and should be doing themselves.
Simply: enabling creates an atmosphere in which the child can comfortably continue his/her unacceptable behavior or irresponsibility.
Are you being enabled?
Here are a few questions that might help determine whether or not someone in your life has enabled you:
1. Has a parent/guardian ever "called in sick" for you, lying about your symptoms?
2. Has someone ever accepted part of the blame for your actions or behavior?
3. Has an adult gotten you out of trouble even though they knew that you were to blame? Or are they always making excuses for your failings?
4. Has an adult in your life (parent, teacher, school administrator, guardian) allowed you to break rules because it was easier for them to let you do it than it was for them to make you do the right thing?
5. Has a girlfriend or boyfriend done your homework for you because they "love" you (is that person taking the tests for you too)?
6. Has a friend tried to match your bad behavior (like not doing homework or failing a test with you, or skipping school with you) in hopes of "strengthening" their relationship with you?
7. Has anyone in your life given you "one more chance" and then another, and another, until you realize that their chances are endless, and that you really do not have to respect their wishes or needs?
8. Has someone ever threatened to make you "do the right thing" but when you didn't, they never followed through and there were no consequences for your actions?
9. Is there someone in your life who you know you can manipulate to the point where they will let you get away with anything? (That person is the worst kind of enabler, because they are really just thinking only of themselves, and not about you.)
Of course, if you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you, at some point in time, have been enabled so that you could avoid your own responsibilities. Rather than "help" you, enablers have actually made it easier for you to become less responsible.
If you answered "yes" to most or all of these questions, you have not only been enabled, but your enablers have probably become major contributors to the growing and continuing problem of your lack of responsibility.
As long as you have your "enabling devices" in place, it is easy for you to continue to deny you have a problem -- since most of your problems are being "solved" by those around you. Only when you are forced to face the consequences of your own actions, will it finally begin to sink in how deep your problem of irresponsibility has become.
NOT enabling you is not an easy choice for your friends, family, or teachers. For example, if you don't bring a pencil to take a test that you knew about for a week or more, it's easier for a teacher to just give you a pencil than it is to watch you sit and not take a test. If the teacher does not give you a pencil, that teacher is making more work for themselves. He or she would have to document (make notes) about the event, maybe call home or schedule a parent conference about your irresponsibility, etc.-it's more work.
The people in your life who are willing to take the extra time for you, who are willing to lose your friendship to tell you the truth-these are the people that are looking out for you not for themselves.
Those kinds of choices are difficult. They require "detachment with love." But it is love. Unless you are allowed to face the consequences of your own actions, you will never realize just how much your irresponsibility has become a problem--to yourself and to those around you.
The person who is requiring you, or asking you, to read this article is not an enabler. This person is an example of someone who believes that, no matter how hard it is for them, they are helping you to learn about your problems by experiencing the consequences and by helping you learn how to make better choices for your own good.
Respect and Self-Respect come from helping those who help themselves.
"Do not enable my people. Rather, teach them how to do for themselves so that when you leave you will not have created an unhealthy dependence, even though well intentioned. This is of no help to us. In fact, the second state could become worse than the first." - Cardinal Napier, Archbishop of Durban, South Africa (2006).
Susanne Gaddis, PhD, known as the Communications Doctor, is an acknowledged communications expert who has been speaking and teaching the art of effective and positive communication through workshops, seminars, and keynote presentations across the United States since 1989. Past clients include: NASA, Oracle, Schlumberger, and the American Nurses Association. For free articles written by Dr. Gaddis, or to purchase her book Communication Booster Shots: Prescriptions for Effective Communication visit http://www.CommunicationDoctor.com or call 919-933-3237.
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